Domestic
Violence
You
may not want to admit it, but it is likely that you are
being abusive to someone if he or she has told you that
he or she is being hurt by your actions - for example
pushing, slapping or grabbing - or by your works - through
such things as threats, insults, put-downs or intimidations.
You
may not feel that you are being an abusive person, and
that your actions and your words aren '
t enough to actually
hurt someone. However, it is not a matter of what you
think you are doing to your partner, it is a matter of
how your actions and words are impacting him or her.
If
you are uncertain as you whether or not you may be behaving
in an abusive fashion, ask yourself the following questions:
•
Has my partner ever told
me that my actions or my words have hurt him or her?
•
Has my partner ever asked
me to refrain from certain hurtful words or actions?
•
Have I ever used force or
threatened my partner in order to make him or her do something
that he or she didn '
t want to do?
•
Has my partner ever complained
of being pressured into sexual activities that were unwanted?
•
Has my partner ever made
complaints about my dominating his or her life in ways
that are unwanted?
If
you have answered "
yes "
to any of these
questions, the odds are that you are engaging in some
form of emotional, physical and/or sexual abuse towards
your partner. This doesn '
t in any way that
you are a bad person, nor that you are necessarily intending
to cause harm - long-term or short-term - to your partner,
but it does mean that you MUST take immediate action to
halt these abusive behaviors in their tracks.
Help
is readily available by very understanding, experienced
people. All that you will be required to do, is bring
a willingness to:
•
Quit your abusive words
and actions
•
Admit that your behavior
has been abusive to yourself and others
•
Talk to someone about what
you have done, and be willing to face the consequences
of your actions.
This
may not be an easy process, but the difference for both
you and your partner will be astounding. Keep that difference
in your mind, and it will provide you with the motivation
you need to keep going with your cause. You CAN do it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Domestic Violence: An Overview
Introduction
Domestic Violence isn't just hitting, or fighting, or an occassional mean argument. It's a chronic abuse of power. The abuser tortures and controls the victim by calculated threats, intimidation, and physical violence. Actual physical violence is often the end result of months or years of intimidation and control.
In their diagnostic and treatment guidelines for physicians, The American Medical Association defines intimate partner abuse as "the physical, sexual, and/or psychological abuse to an individual perpetrated by a current or former intimate partner. While this term is gender-neutral, women are more likely to experience physical injuries and incur psychological consequences of intimate partner abuse." 17
In a study, published in the Archives of Family Medicine, designed to measure physician's attitudes and practices toward victims of domestic violence, Snugg, et al, defined domestic violence as "past or present physical and/or sexual violence between former or current intimate partners, adult household members, or adult children and a parent. Abused persons and perpetrators could be of either sex, and couples could be heterosexual or homosexual." 19
Defining the problem: Domestic violence is violence between adult intimate partners.
Though the definition above seems simple enough (it is widely accepted in the law enforcement community as the definition), the application of the definition varies quite significantly from organization to organization, state to state, and country to country. The term "intimate partners" in some cases refers only to people who are cohabitating or have cohabitated (lived together) whereas at other times "intimate partners" refers to people who are dating or who have dated at some time in the past.
Perhaps a better definition of domestic violence is emotional abuse, physical abuse, or sexual abuse between people who have at some time had an intimate or family relationship.
To understand how the meaning of "domestic violence" has and is changing, think about how the term "family" has changed in the past 50 years. They are both ever-changing, and a bit controversial.
Many view the above definition of domestic violence as overly restrictive. They argue that domestic violence can occur between adult family members who are not "intimate" in the traditional sense, such as adult brothers and sisters, cousins, brothers-in-law, sisters-in-law, mothers- and fathers-in-law. For example, many consider elder abuse to be a form of domestic violence.
Though the definition above clearly states "adult...", there is a recent trend for states to adopt legal definitions of domestic violence that include violence toward children (more than half of states now mention children in their domestic violence laws). This could broaden the definition to be violence between any of the following: husbands, wives, ex-husbands, ex-wives, partners, ex-partners, brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers, children, people who have lived together (which could include cousins, brothers-in-law, sisters-in-law, and caregivers), and people who are or have dated in the past.
Child Abuse and Neglect State Statutes Elements
--------------------------------------Referring to this article:
Domestic Violence: An Overview was written by C. J. Newton, MA, Learning Specialist and published in the TherapistFinder.net Mental Health Journal in February, 2001.
Use or reference to this article on the Internet must be accompanied by a link to the page you cite.
References:
National Domestic Violence Hotline (800) 799-SAFE
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