Help Your Child to Overcome Bullying

There is little worse than seeing the result of bullying on your own child. Though it may seem inevitable, and unstoppable at times, especially to the child, it needn't be that way. You - the parent - can be an invaluable contributor to helping your child to overcome the bullying that he or she is experiencing.

To become this loving resource to your child, you will first need to understand bullying, and then comprehend your role in preventing it, and helping your child when it does occur.

Bullying itself has been defined as any behavior that is performed with the intension of physically or emotionally harming another person. The more obvious symptoms of bullying are punching and kicking, as well as name-calling and teasing, but bullying can also occur when rumors are spread, when physical handicaps are pointed out, through racial slurs, exclusion, humiliation, or the sharing of personal, private stories.

Bullying can cause a child to:

•  Feel withdrawn or insecure

•  Feel as though they've brought this on themselves

•  Have thoughts or inclinations towards suicide

•  Attempt to injure or harm the bully

•  Crying at night - especially before sleep

While younger children will almost always tell you when they have been bullied, older children, and adolescents will rarely do so. Therefore, it's up to you to watch for signs that he or she is being bullied. These may include:

•  Reluctance to go to school or a certain class or changing routes to get to school

•  Bullying his or her own friends or siblings

•  Aggressive, rude, or disobedient behaviors

•  Crying at night, wetting the bed, and/or nightmares

•  Struggling to work at school

•  Changes in eating behaviors

•  Development of a stammer

Additional signs can include:

•  Clothing or possessions that are missing or damaged

•  Money that frequently goes "missing."

Bullies almost exclusively pick on children who react to their tormenting, or who are "easy prey" since they are smaller, weaker, stand out, or - most commonly - who have low self-esteem, and are trying very hard to be liked.

Self-confident children will frequently disallow themselves from being bullied. Therefore, by teaching your child to act assertively may deter bullies from bothering them.

Remember, even when there is no clear sign of bullying, it's a good idea to talk with your child on a regular basis, so that if a problem does occur, there is a time in which your child will feel comfortable talking about it.

If you suspect that your child is being bullied, don't beat around the bush; ask him or her directly. Your child may attempt to deny it at first, but don't be upset. Simply reassure your child that you are there for him or her when they want to talk, and that if they are being bullied, it's not their fault, and you're not upset or disappointed in them. Explain that it is very common among children, and that you can work together to find ways to stop it from happening.

Be an active listener, and no matter what, try not to be judgmental about what is being said. Your child should feel free to say what they believe, and should know that you are taking him or her seriously. Most importantly, until it is mutually agreed that you can share this information with someone, this information should be kept strictly confidential.

To overcome bullying, come up with strategies to deal with the problem. This can include encouraging your child to make more friends, encouraging him or her to bring friends home to play or study, and considering joining different interest groups.

Discover ways in which your child can avoid being placed in situations where bullying may occur. This doesn't mean becoming over-protective, never letting your child have a single unsupervised moment, but discuss how he or she can protect themselves by staying around lots of people, and never being the last person to leave a room.

Moreover, teach your child how not to react, and simply walk away - again and again - until the bully will simply loose interest. Remind your child that he or she will need patience and time for this to be effective.

If a bully is violent, teach your child to get away from the situation, instead of trying to fight back. This only makes things worse. Bribes and "buy offs" through sweets, presents, or money, are also unwise, since these deals only tend to escalate with time.

Support your child, and report the bullying if it is a mutually agreed upon decision. This reporting can be done to teachers, other parents, or interest club leaders.

By Julie Campbell

JBC Online E-Publishing